Mike Nelsons Oscar/facebook posts!!

Mike Nelson is one of my favorite MST3K riffers!! ... He watched the Oscars this year, and here are his "tweets" (I ♡ these! needed to share...)

1-Man, I have been on the red carpet many times and it's an exhilarating feeling. (I owned a Red Carpet Cleaner franchise until it went chapter 13)

2-My Oscar party guests are really enjoying the food, especially the Midnight in Paris French fries with Marisa To-mayonnaise.

3-Wow, Nick Nolte looks amazing! Did I say Nick Nolte? 'Cause I meant those weird puzzles made by 3D printers.

4-Look, Bradley COOPER, I'll respect you when you craft me a barrel as your profession demands, you gorgeous untalented workers' apprentice!

5-You know who deserves an Oscar? NO, you don't! And neither does anyone but the sacred OSCAR-DECIDING COUNCIL! How dare you presume to know!

6-Congratulations, Hugo! (My friend who just ate 14 saltines in 58 seconds. I understand that there's also a movie of the same name..)

7-I'm shocked that Angelina Jolie and her husband Werner Herzog and children Billy Crystal and Demian Becher are such a normal family.

8-So just so I'm clear, there's not a single Lambada movie nominated for anything in any category. WTF!?!?

9-Can we agree Worst Dressed at the Oscars was that guy cops discovered duct-taped to the underside of a woman's Port-a-potty?

10-Oscars! Crystal is back! What a great night! (Sorry, just reminiscing about the time I ate 13 wieners & drank a gallon of Crystal Light.)

11-Great night for War Horse*! (*War Horse is my secret pet name for Meryl Streep. [She does not know this. {never tell her}]

12-If I ever win my speech will be "I'd like to thank the Academy... for NOT validating my parking! You f#$%ers! But I kid because I love!"

13-Correct me if I'm wrong but what I'm getting from commentators is that Emma Stone is a repulsive, scabby untalented harpy.

14-Colin Firth has all the charisma of the guy who would ask me if I'd like to spend the extra 5 bucks to wash the undercarriage.

15-So Meryl Streep wins -- this I promise you Viola Davis. ALL THE EARTH SHALL SUFFER TILL YOU ARE AVENGED! If I can get to it...

16-‎"The Artist" wins! Congratulations, Prince! (What we who used to hang around with him at Denny's called him before he became the "artist formerly known as")

17-To those who did not bring home an Oscar, no shame, it was an honor just to be nomi - why the HELL didn't you act better you fat losers?!

---I didn't get to see the Oscars this year, but that's ok...It will be the same thing next year--- ☮T.